Okay I have to say its nice to know I am NOT the only one who is concerned about toilet paper if and when the poo-hits-the-fan. It was amazing at how may comments, emails and "hits" to my article “No way am I ever giving up toilet paper!!”  - Famous last words" I received. Which only leads me to the conclusion ... people are really taking prepping seriously. Or, they just couldn't fathom anyone not using toilet paper ... and had to find out what I was using?

As most of you who know of me, you know I'm a girlie-girl and will try my darnedest to find out what I can do to stay a girlie-girl when the poo-hits-the-fan. Not gonna catch me with my pants down ... well you might but I'll have a clean fanny! *grin*.

I really did my research on this subject - the toilet paper alternative query. I just didn't want to wait until things got worse to find an alternative - or be forced to find one.  And, I couldn't see having huge stock piles of TP that would one day disappear and I would still be up poo's creek.

There had to be an answer. 

Most of the alternatives I found dealt with ... well the human waste part of it - the poo and what to do with "it".  Or, okay I'll say it ... the wiping part (ewwww I know).  It seems, with some methods you were still left with the "wiper" or the vehicle by which to wipe yourself albeit, a leaf, a phonebook page, baby wipes, family cloths - the results were all the same. A piece of something with something clinging to it, to dispose of (ewww again ... I still know.)

I thought I found the answer with travel bottles that you "squirt" yourself clean with, but after reading review after review ... the same issues came up. Not enough water ... and the biggie ...not enough "pressure" to actually clean yourself.

So I continued on my search.

Then one day while I was out in my greenhouse watering my plants with a garden sprayer a light when on.  Bingo!  The garden sprayer had all the pressure anyone would ever need to get the job done (clean your fanny that is) and an adustable spray tip for a light mist all the way to a powerful stream.  

Later that day, I went to the store and purchased a 1 gallon sprayer - a cheap one mind you - no fancy buzzers and bells. The plain Jane of garden sprayers (that is, if there is such thing as a plain "Jane".)  The sprayer was so light that I could actually fasten it on my emergency bag to carry with me, if need be, without any added bulk or weight. Or, keep one in my vehicle for camping and potty emergencies.  A small bottle of water (8-16oz.) is all that would be needed for several people.  Perfect!  Ring me up!

Once at home with my portable fanny cleaner in hand, upon closer examination, I realized that I would actually have to be in the next room in order to anatomically be able to use the sprayer because the wand with the the adustable nozzle was way too long and only had a slightly curve to it. I decided to do a little MacGyvering. 

By looking at some of the "travel bidet" squirt bottles on the market, I noted that the wand portion needed to be shorter. So removed the wand from the sprayer, measured out what I thought would be a good length and removed 4 1/2 to 5" off the wand. 

Now we're talkin'! Or so I thought ... when I tried to spray it where I needed to go - it didn't work.  Well, when I say it didn't work, it worked alright if you wanted to clean the backsides of the bathroom walls - but not for the job intended. *sigh* It seems, in order to work correctly, the wand would have to be more 'curvy' to clean women or any gentleman folks who have to maneuver around any "obstacles".

So I boiled some water in a sauce pan, and then placed the shortened wand in the water to soften the plastic. Slowly as the plastic softened, I formed the wand into a "U" shape. I then placed it under some cold running water to cool it off and to retain its shape.

Success!

When trying the sprayer out, not only could I adjust it for a fine mist for those "wet only" times, but also to a full-on power-blaster mode for those more serious matters - with very option in between.

Now, I know what you're thinking so let me go ahead and address this as well. You are probably wondering "What about the wetness"?  (Yes you are.)

Well, I purchased some white wash cloths and folded them into each other like Kleenex in a tall plastic container. If, and when, I need one, I just lift a cloth out and the next one lifts up to be used the next time. Once I've used the cloth, I put it in a little can that I filled with homemade oxyclean (2 cups of water, 1 cup of hydrogen peroxide and 1 cup of baking soda.)  When the container is full - of cloths, with no floaties or ickies mind you, as those have previously been "squirt" away, I pour the cloths into the washing machine or my wonderwash, add some laundry detergent and wash them. They come out white as snow!

There you have it!  I call my little survival bidet  "The Hiney-Hydrant™"

Now its your turn! Get your fanny going!  Or is that "glowing"?

Get your garden sprayer here:

Just sayin'.

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